Excerpt
Jim woke up and found himself lying on red sand between two clumps of Spinifex grass. He slowly got to his feet to see the sun was just above the horizon. For a moment he wondered if it was early morning or late afternoon. Then he realised it was still a cool, so it had to be early morning. Late afternoon would be sweltering hot in the tropical heat. He stared around him trying to work out where he was, and what happened to him before he went to sleep.
His first thought was he had got totally drunk and got lost in the bush, but as he brushed the sand off his clothes he realised he had his pilot’s uniform on. He surely wouldn’t have got drunk while still at work, he thought. He could lose his job doing that. Then he became aware he didn’t have a hangover which made it even more unlikely he got drunk that night. He began to feel for his mobile phone but he couldn’t find it, even though he searched every pocket of his clothing.
He tried to think what he was doing the night before, but he found that difficult. He searched his memory but all he could remember he was a pilot, and he worked for a small charter company operating out of Port Hedland, which was a town in the North of Western Australia. But what happened yesterday or even last week seem to be vague, and he wondered if he had lost his memory.
He also had another worry.
Where was he?
He wasn’t lost in the desert was he?
He began to wonder if he had somehow crashed landed his aircraft in the desert but somehow survived, and then had a bump on the head which caused him to have amnesia. But if that was true where was his aircraft?
Then another frightening thought came to his mind, he could soon die of thirst in the hot desert, without shade and water.
He looked at the sun and quickly worked out which was east and west, but then realised that information was no use to him if he had no-knowledge of where he was.
He tried to think it through and after a bit of thought decided it probably would be best to walk North or North-West towards the coast, as he would more likely find a road or civilization in that direction.
This thought was completely dispelled when he heard the far-off sound of a large truck and he looked around to see it travelling along a road in the distance.
The road had been hidden from him by the clumps of tall Spinifex grass and he felt a strong sense of relief to know that civilization was close at hand.
He then began to walk towards the road but when he did this, he felt that something seemed to be stuffed down his shorts.
Pulling them down as well as his underpants what he saw shocked him.
For most of his adult life he had worried about how small his penis was, but now looking down it seemed to be huge.
It had somehow grown to more than twice its normal size.
What’s more it was fully erect!
He was used to having an erection when he woke up in the morning but it would soon subside, now though it was stubbornly staying erect.
Another thing he noticed was that a ribbon had been tied around his waist and was holding his penis against stomach.
He untied the ribbon but when he did this his penis sprang forward, then when he tried to pull up his underpants and shorts he quickly realised why the ribbon had been tied around him. His penis was sticking so far out of his shorts that it was very noticeable. So he was forced to take down his underpants again and tie the ribbon back around his waist. Then pull up his underpants and shorts once again.
When he had finished doing this he continued to walk towards the road, trying to make sense of what had happened to him. It felt like he was the victim of a practical joke, but no practical joker he knew, had the ability to make his penis twice as long as before and give him an erection he couldn’t loose. Someone who knew how to do that, he thought, could make billions of dollars, after all it would be a better seller than Viagra.
Perhaps he had somehow become a guinea pig in some bizarre experiment. Could it be that someone had kidnapped him and tried some secret formula on him before dumping him in the bush, after they had finished with him? That to him was the best explanation he could come up with.
He just hoped it didn’t have any unforeseen side effects on him.
Twenty minutes later, he climbed up onto the road and wondered where it led and on what side of it he should try to thumb a lift.
He decided to cross to the other side.
Five minutes later a truck came past and he held out his arm pointing his thumb down the road, but it just went on. It was another ten minutes when a car came up the road that finally stopped, when Jim held up his hand. There were two young men in the front seat.
“Where ya going mate,” asked the driver.
“Port Hedland,” said Jim.
The young man laughed.
“You’re going in the wrong direction mate,” he said, “We’re driving up to the Eighty Mile Beach.”
“Oh I see,” said Jim, “I better get on the other side of the road.”
Jim felt stupid, he should have been able to work what side of the road to thumb a lift from the direction of the sun.
“So how did you get out here?” asked the young man, “your car broke down.”
“I really don’t know,” said Jim, “I can’t remember what happened last night.”
“I reckon you had a right skin-full,” said the young man, “perhaps some of your mates played a trick on you and dumped you in the bush.”
Then the car passenger next to the driver got excited.
“Wow, did you see that,” he shouted pointing out into the desert.
“See what,” said the driver who then turned to where the young man was pointing.
“Something just shot up into the sky like a rocket,” said the young man.
“You must be seeing things,” said the driver, “there is nothing out there like a rocket.”
“I’m telling you,” said the excited young man, “something shot up in the sky, a second ago, I don’t know what it was.”
“I reckon it was you who had a skin-full,” said the driver.
The young car passenger then looked confused; as he stared once more into the desert.
“I think we had better drive on,” said the driver, “everyone around here is going bonkers, I hope it’s not catching.”
Then with a wave of his hand the driver drove away…
