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My girlfriend won’t whip me

Alyssa Webber fell into a dominant role and was reluctant at first to raise her hand to a slave. SPOILER ALERT she got over it. Here she presents some thoughts on how to show your submissive side to the woman you wish to dominate you.


Let me guess, you’ve had submissive fantasies for years, worked out in great detail and replayed in your head so many times the colour has almost faded. You finally get the courage to confess your darkest desires and your wife or girlfriend has given you the look that means she thinks you are a deranged pervert. Or you haven’t had the balls to confess and have been dropping hints like buying her latex catsuits and riding crops for Christmas and for some reason she hasn’t seized the opportunity to punish you.

Let me share my story of how I went from reluctant to enthusiastic, then I’ll give you some ideas of how to get the pain and humiliation you are so desperate to receive while keeping your relationship alive.


I bounced from a failed relationship to life as a dominant woman. Steve was my first boyfriend, as well as a dear and dependable friend at a critical time in my life, but we were too young, stupid and ignorant to know what we needed. He needed a firm hand and I should have been delivering regular discipline.

When our relationship fell apart, I stumbled across a group of dominant women who knew how to control men. We lived in a manor in the countryside, with slaves attending our every need. I was shocked to see the slaves were kept permanently naked but soon came to appreciate the benefits of having them exposed and vulnerable. One advantage was the opportunity to study the male form without any expectation of sexual interaction and I confess I was surprised by the diversity of form on offer. From tiny little penises I could crush in one hand to balls the size of potatoes, they all shared the feature of being completely smooth and hairless.

It was normal for slaves to be physically punished for any transgression, and whips and crops were readily at hand around the manor. However, for me it was a step too far, as it is for many women when first confronted with the male need for physical discipline.


I couldn’t run from taking control any longer and I thrashed a slave in front of several other women. The exhilaration was intense as my hand raised above my head again and again, leaving red and purple weals over his back.

The conflict I experienced and that many women share, is that all our lives we have been encouraged to play nicely, to be gentle and not to be aggressive and it becomes deeply ingrained that it is wrong to hurt another.

As a submissive man introducing the subject of Domination to an inexperienced woman there are plenty of pitfalls to avoid. Rather than diving straight in with your wish list of scenarios and punishments, start by gently introducing the subject of how you would enjoy not being in control. It doesn’t even have to involve bondage at an early stage, perhaps the rules of the game could be that you are “glued” to a chair and unable to move while she gets to tease and torment in any manner she chooses. Making you wait and yearn and strain can be her first thrill of exerting power.

If and when you go further, it is vital to make it clear to her that this is consensual, something you actively desire, and to practise using your safe words as she builds up the intensity. Inhibitions against hurting run very deep and need to be approached with respect and caution if you are both to enjoy playing with Domination and submission. She must know that she has your permission to inflict pain and feel comfortable that the safe word will prevent things getting out of hand.

Trust is fundamental to your happiness as a slave – trust that your Mistress will handle you as you need to be handled and her trust that you will not be permanently harmed. As she grows in confidence that she is giving you exactly what you need your bond will become closer than ever before.


If you want to read more about how Alyssa came to embrace her inner Dominatrix and take pleasure in inflicting pain, all will be revealed in Venus Through the Looking Glass at Femdom Cave, and Lulu.

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